


La Menefreghista Ama Il Medico

by AmateurScribes



Series: RvB Rare Pair Week 2018 [1]
Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: Alternate Universe - Ancient Rome, Crack Treated Seriously, Emotions, Implied/Referenced Sex, Kinda, Lack of Communication, M/M, Pizza Quest, Protestant Reformation, RvB Rare Pair Week, RvB Rare Pair Week 2018, Season/Series 16, Season/Series 16 Spoilers, Secret Crush, Time Travel, what the fuck do you mean that's not a goddamn tag
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-07
Updated: 2018-05-07
Packaged: 2019-05-03 06:30:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,668
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14563008
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AmateurScribes/pseuds/AmateurScribes
Summary: Doc knew that their so-called'Pizza Quest'wasn't going to end well, but he never knew it could bring about any sort of world-changing revelation. And he especially didn't know that it'd happen insixteen-hundredItaly of all places.





	La Menefreghista Ama Il Medico

**Author's Note:**

> My goal this year is to contribute to rare pair week for the entirety of the week this year. Which might be hard between practicing for Shakespeare and my testing this week, but fuck it when have I ever done anything like a normal person. I'd like to thank my beta for this fic sea_pig on ao3! I hope you enjoy the story!

While it had seemed like a good idea at first, maybe they should have thought through the ‘Make Sure Pizza Gets Created’ plan a little bit more.

While he would have preferred to use the time gun for altruistic purposes- like, oh! Stopping mass disasters from claiming lives, or bringing scientific knowledge to the world earlier in the timeline- he supposed Grif did have more of a claim of where (or should it be _when_ ) they were going, with him being the one to use the gun.

And hey, as long as it got Grif motivated, Doc was fine with playing along for a little while longer. Plus, since it _was_ a time machine, technically they could never be late to anything and there would always be chances to go back and fix the things that they messed up.

But maybe they should have thought more about what time period to go back to. Because while Italy was the birthplace of pizza, it was introduced at a certain point in history- so obviously they should have matched up to that date rather than doing it earlier or later, right?

The Protestant Reformation was certainly neither the time _nor_ place to add pizza back into the time stream.

Especially for a man with a more, well, scientific and medical background like himself. And especially not for a self-proclaimed agnostic like _Grif_.

Suffice to say, ending up in Italy- and not just Italy, the _Vatican City_ (or at least what would become Vatican City), during the Protestant Reformation was not going to end well.

Hiding behind a few crates, he presses a hand against his chest plate, breathing heavily and casting side glances at Grif next to him.

Grif had his arms crossed, the epitome of sullen as he kicked at a rock on the ground.

After catching his breath, he can't help but exclaim, "What were you thinking, Grif?! You could have gotten us killed!"

"Yeah, well, that would've been a happy day for me," Grif retorts. Although Doc can't see his face behind the visor, he's picked up on enough body language over the years to know that Grif was glaring at him.

Shaking his head, he dares to peak out from behind the crates. He doesn't see anyone gearing up to attack them so he figures it was safe to have a little... _intervention_.

"Why are you so insistent on dying?" Doc asks. Because this was starting to become a problem. First, it was him just collapsing so precariously when a _giant alien goddess_ was _attacking_ them.

Then the second was him just pulling the pin out of the grenade and dropping it without a second thought!

And of course, now.

They had gotten into the mess when Grif decided to pick a fight with some of the people in charge of selling indulgences, and of course Grif knew enough Italian to curse them out (he claimed that when he was learning Spanish he figured it was close enough to Italian to pick up some of the language, but that doesn't make it _ok_ _ay_ ). And _of course_ these civilians would get freaked out by two people in strange armor speaking only some of their language (and none of it nice too), and a foreign language, while challenging their religion.

So they called the Roman Inquisition on them.

And then they had to run. Or well, Doc had to run and pull Grif along with him because he seemed content to get speared by a fucking sword.

"Well, maybe they should consider the fact that they're corrupt in their religion, and that they're wrong and I'm right," Grif huffs.

"That's not the point!" and there goes his voice, going up an octave and becoming shrill in his exasperation. "You should be more considerate of people's beliefs, not everyone is going to believe in your lifestyle- and I'm getting off track! Grif you shouldn't pick fights like that, we could have seriously messed up the timeline- maybe _we're_ the reason pizza doesn't exist anymore!"

"Tch, whatever," Grif mumbles. "I don't have to listen to you Brutus- and hey isn't that just hilarious! Here I am stuck in ancient Italy with a traitor. E tu, Brutus?"

He winced slightly, he's not quite sure where Grifs hatred of him is stemming from but they'll never make any headway continuing on like this. "Are you still upset about me joining the Blues and Reds? Because I know I made the wrong decision, and I'm sorry, but I'm trying my best to make up for all this the best I can."

"Oh please," Grif scoffs. "This shit goes all the way back to Blood Gulch."

"Blood Gulch?" Doc repeats. "What do you mean? Are you talking about the O'Malley stuff? I wasn't even in control of myself, you _know_ that was the Omega AI!"

"I'm not talking about O'Malley, okay?!" Grif explodes, yanking his helmet off. Doc almost scolds him to put it back on when Grif cuts him off to continue. "I'm talking about you throwing me under the goddamn bus to get into better favor with the other Reds! And look how well that turned out for you asshole!"

Doc is truly flabbergasted for a few seconds before shaking himself out of it. "You still remember that? But that was years ago! We've come way past those days-"

"Yeah well some of us don't want to forget when people betray them, okay," Grif cuts him off.

He mulls over it for a few seconds because he never knew Grif had still harbored unresolved feelings about that day. "Well, try seeing it from my perspective! I was only there to do a check-up before leaving and then I got pulled into all of your shenanigans, getting forgotten time and time again which led to me losing my _mi_ ** _-_ ** " he coughs, effectively shutting down the emergence of his O'Malley personality. "Sorry, but really Grif, you all treated me as badly as I treated you."

"See it from _my_ perspective! You were the only person nice to me in years when we were talking about medical stuff! I actually started developing a cru-" Grif cuts himself off.

Grif glances away from Doc, and he's perplexed when a light blush blossoms on his skin grafts and the darkening of his tanned skin.

Did- did Grif really just say what he thought he said?

And then Doc had- oh no.

"Grif, I-" he tries, but Grif just cuts him off.

"Whatever," he says sullenly. "It doesn't matter anymore. It was years ago."

"What- no, of course, it matters, Grif," Doc says. "I'm sorry, I just- why didn't you tell me? I thought you liked Simmons?"

Grif shuffles so that he's mainly leaning most of his weight on the crates. "I don't think I like Simmons like that, or at least I thought maybe I could- but then the Temple of Procreation happened and it changed everything," he grumbles. "He wouldn't look me in the eye for a month."

He can only manage to sit there in silence. He doesn't know what to say, but he tries anyway. "Um, if it makes a difference I really enjoyed talking with you back then. It was refreshing."

"Yeah," Grif says, eyes looking at the dirt. "It wasn't like the types of conversations I have with Simmons. I even told you stuff about my life, but then you- or I guess O'Malley- turned them right back on me in front of everyone, and I've experienced a lot of embarrassment in my life, but I've never felt so _humiliated_."

Flashes of that disastrous therapy session on Chorus are brought to the forefront of his mind, and all he can do is chuckle in resignation. "Gosh, we were horrible to each other, huh?"

Grif snorts, and says, "You're telling me."

They just sit next to each other in silence for a moment longer, not quite sure what to say to the other. The bustle of people beyond their hiding spot is sorta relaxing, they hadn't really had an opportunity to just hear normalcy in awhile haven't they? Too busy saving lives and fighting wars, both real and fake. Even if they can't really understand much of what is being said, it's still relaxing.

Eventually, Grif breaks the silence by saying, "I'm sorry for future-cubing you and then forgetting all about it. And for all the names I've called you recently."

Doc can't help but smile slightly as he turns to Grif and says, "I'm sorry for throwing you under the bus and blurting out your home life to the guys, even if it was O'Malley at the time."

"I can accept that," Grif nods, slipping his helmet back on.

"So can I."

The coast was now clear, so they look behind the crates to make sure that no one is really watching when they open up another portal.

"Where to now?" Doc asks.

"Well, I figured we might as well figure out what the fuck Donut was trying to tell us about," Grif sighs. "This is going to suck."

Doc purses his lips before approaching Grif. "You know," he starts. "We do have a time machine, and I think after everything we've been through, I think it's about time you got your pizza. After we make sure that it's creation still happens, of course," he adds on.

"Really?" Grif sounds so excited. "Well, you know what they say- third time's the charm. Although it's probably, what, the fifth time by now? Meh, who cares- let's save pizza." He adjusts the time gun, before firing another portal open. "Team Mental Health Issues to establish the creation of the greatest of foods- _pizza_!"

He jumps into the portal without a second thought as Doc says, "Yeah, alright! Wait what? Team Mental Heal- wait for me!"

Following after him, Doc feels as though he's certainly made progress- positive progress for once.

He doesn't notice the bright light that slips into the portal after them.

**Author's Note:**

> So this 100% stems from my love of the newest episode, and the fact that Lorenzo was a character on the show. And it's not just me projecting if it's canon that they're going to make sure pizza was invented- and now that I think about it I could have totally made the setting World War III Italy, but fuck it it's too late now.
> 
> As always, if you have any questions or just wanna chat you can contact me at my Tumblrs: @agent-murica (my main) and @amateurscribes (my writing)!


End file.
